Chapter V: The First Gaidening – Book of Nyll

5:1

And after the Covenant of the Affiliate was established, the Prophet Infernyll did seek to conquer yet another challenge—a game unlike any other, for it was neither wise nor well-designed. And thus, he turned his eyes to the cursed Resident Evil Gaiden on the ancient and mystical device known as the Game Boy Color.

5:2

And lo, the game did begin innocently enough, with pixelated horrors and the promise of victory. But as the Prophet played, he did find that the game was as twisted and broken as the soul of Vhal'Zoggoth himself.

5:3

The controls were a cruel mockery of human logic, the plot more nonsensical than the most absurd dreams, the logic more... err, well, logic just hath not been programmed into the game. And as the Prophet neared the end of the cursed journey, a great calamity befell him: The Soft Lock.

5:4

With no ammo to defeat the final boss, the Prophet found himself trapped, his destiny sealed in a digital cage of unrelenting despair and trauma, the latter of which is trademarked by Silent Hill and thus made Gaiden an even greater, blasphemous evil.

5:5

And the Prophet, his face streaked with sweat and tears, did cry out to the heavens: “Why, oh why, do you forsake me?!” But the answer came not, for the digital world was deaf to his cries.

5:6

And after many long hours, having realized that his journey would never see completion unless he broke his sacred vows, the Prophet Infernyll did succumb to temptation.
He turned to cheats.
A thing he had never done before, for in his heart he had always held fast to the belief that one must play fairly, even when the game was a travesty. But here, in the land of Gaiden, there was no choice. He cheated.

5:7

And with cheats, the Prophet did finally defeat the final boss, but at great cost to his spirit. For he knew that the victory was hollow, the joy stolen by the shadow of unholy gaming shortcuts.

5:8

And lo, the game was done, and it hath been dubbed The Curse of Gaiden, and this unholy event The First Gaidening. The Prophet breathed a sigh of relief, but that sigh was not the end. For the masochistic heart of Infernyll, unrelenting in its quest for misery, did create a channel reward, a terrible and expensive reward, that those who dared could make him replay this forsaken game again. And it was priced so high that only the bravest (or most foolish) would dare to redeem it.

5:9

And as if this was not enough, a second, more terrible reward was conceived—a reward so expensive that it could bankrupt a small kingdom: To replay Gaiden AND pretend to enjoy it. And the Prophet, in his infinite wisdom (or lack thereof), did allow this challenge to exist. The Cult now had the power to make him relive the worst of his suffering, all in the name of entertainment. Truly, it was masochism on a divine scale.

5:10

And thus, the Prophet Infernyll did become a legend not just for his courage and strength, but for his willingness to suffer for the amusement of his people. For he had become the martyr of bad video games, a saint for the truly broken-hearted. And pretty stupid.

5:11

And the Cult did rejoice, for they knew that their Prophet was not only a conqueror of great challenges, but also the sacrificial lamb of gaming torture, willing to endure any hardship for the greater good of content. And pretty dumb.

Witness the Unholy Event by caressing this sacred text: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL7_xScXk4TUhUygU0D9AEjeLQECXH4SMP

Abruh.